Translating Geithner

Feb 10th, 2009
1645 hrs

The Feds are no fun. They can't even come up with financial rescue plans
that have meaningful names.

I think we should call it TURD. Yes, "Taxpayers Underwriting Risky Debt".

What we essentially have today is a mega version of the plan that was
unveiled a few months ago. There is a little change in nomenclature so
I figured I'd help you traverse the minefields of verbiage....a quick
translation of some of what the Treasury secretary said :

Geithner : "We are willing to take all measures."
Translation : We will throw the kitchen sink at the problem as we have been doing.

Geithner : "Committed to use at least $50B to stem the housing crisis..."
Translation : We will use $50B first and then come back to ask you for more.

Geithner : "Will ask for more funds if there is a case to expand the plan."
Translation : We will ask you for more. PERIOD.

Geithner : "Will be very careful to protect taxpayers."
Translation : They're essentially screwed but we'll let the pain unfold slowly.

Geithner : "Government did not come up with comprehensive plan soon enough."
Translation : Abandon Ship. We're incompetent.

Geithner : "Need to create conditions to attract private investors."
Translation : We can't find private, profit oriented investors wanting to buy junk.

Geithner : "Private capital is holding back...we need to create a mix of financing..."
Translation : Private investors will buy junk only if taxpayers underwrite losses.

Geithner : "Financial system is working against a recovery."
Translation : Sagacious investors are wary of the bull shit running about.

Geithner : "We've seen a deep loss of faith in the financial system."
Translation : The rest of the world has caught up to America's BS.

Geithner : "Actions as large as problems we face."
Translation : We'll make plans as we go along.

Geithner : "Can't fix financial system without fixing the housing problem."
Translation : Its the chicken and egg. Dunno which came first and what will fix what.

- aLV